by Ganns Deen
Spanking the monkey. Choking the chicken. Teasing the trouser snake. Jacking off.
However you call it, if you are the average young Filipino, you have experimented, one way or the other, with masturbation, the dreaded M word that the parents of your parents’ parents were told was going to send them straight to hell. Or give them hairy palms. Or make them blind. What a laugh!
According to Dave Roberts, author of Following Jesus and writer of “U Can’t Touch This: What Does the Bible Really Say About Masturbation?,” the Church, using Greek theology that pretty much said anything sensual was devil-anointed, has always warned its followers about masturbation; most of its warnings have gone down as urban legend. Did it work? Did people stop masturbating?
Nope. Studies have gone to show that people still ride the self-service elevator. Conservative estimates show that nine out of ten adolescents have masturbated at some point upon entering puberty. Joel*, 16, says:
“I first started to masturbate when I was thirteen,” he says. “I still remember what it felt like when it was over. It felt really good, I’d never felt so good, and I started to do it regularly, sometimes twice a day. It started my day, and I couldn’t wait to get home from school to do it again.”
So how can something that feels so good be so bad? [Oh, that’s a question!] Well, there is a debate over masturbation, with both sides spouting statistics, facts, and arguments that, quite honestly, are very good. The Bible isn’t very clear on masturbation per se. Some ask: is there even an issue here?
Is masturbation all that bad?
Masturbation, defined by Anne Hooper, famous British sexologist (a sexologist is a scientist who studies sexual behavior – what a job, huh?), as “the stimulation of the genital organs to achieve sexual pleasure, most commonly with the hands and fingers.” She adds that masturbation is a “valuable method for sexual exploration [and as] as a release for sexual frustrations.”
Danny, 19, says “I do it before a test, before a date, sometimes even when I’m bored.” His girlfriend, JingJing, shyly admits they’ve even masturbated each other, and says that they know of other couples who also do.
Danny and JingJing may have apparently stumbled upon evidence that provides for the benefits – and ill effects – of masturbation. According to Hooper, there is no evidence that regular (not necessarily frequent) jacking off has a draining physical effect on physical energy; sometimes, it relieves nervousness and stress.
Many psychologists say that teen masturbation is normal, and should be encouraged, if only for the possibility that they would engage in this behavior instead of actually having premarital sex with a partner and getting into another bunch of problems.
So what’s so wrong with it?
Peter: “My dad once caught me, and got really angry. I don’t understand why, because I’m sure he does it too.”
Peter’s comment may sound a little selfish, but he isn’t alone in being confused. Religious scholars sometimes fight about the Biblical stance on masturbation. The often-used example of Onan (Gen 38:8-10), for instance, isn’t entirely correct. During Onan’s time, it was the tradition for a man to marry the wife of his brother if his brother should die, and he didn’t want to honor the tradition; God subsequently punished him for refusing to fulfill the marital obligations by “spilling his seed” on the ground. Most scholars nowadays interpret Onan’s actions as withdrawal, not masturbation.
Joshua Harris, author of Not Even a Hint, a great book on protecting yourself against lust, believes that the Bible does address masturbation, even if it doesn’t address it directly. He suggests masturbation becomes dangerous not as a single, solitary act, but as a lifestyle that takes us away from entering a close relationship with God. Roberts agrees: “masturbation is a values-for-life issue. When our values are clear, the ability to resist sexual temptation and stop sinning is more apparent.”
Many young adults make the mistake of defining their relationship with God by the sins they commit. 1 Samuel 16:7 says “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.”
Masturbation is an expression of lust, which is, in turn, the worst sin that destroys God’s plans for sex. Sex and all its forms were planned as the best expression of love between husband and wife, and is one of the best gifts God gave man. God wanted sex to be shared, and masturbation takes away the partner. It makes the sexual act self-centered and self-pleasing, and this is not what God wants.
Media sure as heck doesn’t help.
Hooper says, “many [young adults] become curious about the pleasurable sensations of their bodies and experiment with masturbation, and are often eager to gain access to sexual literature.” She says young adults will have sexual desire and biological needs, and will want to seek out porn. She says having a sex drive and wanting to release all that sexual tension is normal; for example, the male body releases semen in “wet dreams” if the male teen doesn’t masturbate. Harris says, however, normal doesn’t equals good. “Natural desires can easily become sinful cravings, [and] masturbation is built on a self-centered view of sex.”
This self-centered view is more obvious today. Teens like you are in greater danger of becoming addicted to the pleasure of a masturbatory orgasm, especially because there are lot of materials out there that encourage it.
“Masturbation is more often than not accompanied by sexual fantasy,” Roberts says. “That fantasy is often provoked by pornography.” The Net, cheap Greenhills VCDs and DVDs, tabloids and purportedly classy glossy magazines, all tell you to do it.
Why should I get over it? And how?
Peter tells us in 1 Peter 2:11: “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in this world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.” If our values are right with God, we can fight the temptation to masturbate. On our own, we cannot beat it. We need God’s grace to overcome masturbation.
Roberts and Harris provide these reasons not to masturbate: It makes us disrespect people, seeing them as objects; it creates false expectations and lowers self-esteem (how can the buttocks of a future wife, for example, live up to J Lo’s? It can’t!); and it’s adultery (Matthew 5:28 says whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart). Masturbation and porn can destroy all your future relationships. It’s one thing to say a person is attractive; it’s another thing to picture her/him naked. How would you feel if a person you didn’t know did that to you? “If you spend your adolescence mentally undressing women,” Roberts says, “how are you going to stop when you get married?”
It makes you a slave to your own desire. 2 Peter 2:19 says that “a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.” 1 Corinthians 10:23 says all: all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.
Masturbation by itself won’t send us straight to hell (especially if you repent, but it could be very difficult to overcome the obstacles you build when you make it a habit. Make that attempt, with Jesus’ help, to beat the habit. You won’t regret it.
Here are some great tips on helping get over masturbation:
1. Ask help from God. Let’s face it: you can’t beat Satan without God’s help. Pray directly to Him, and talk to Him like you would a child to her/his parent, because you are His child. Ask for grace and wisdom. God doesn’t put you into a situation that you cannot handle.
2. Eliminate temptation. Get rid of the porn, dump the VCDs and DVDs. Not easy, admittedly: some porn collections can cost thousands of pesos. But when you throw away the porn, you give yourself less chance to let the enemy get you.
3. Get an accountability buddy. It helps when someone’s watching over you and making sure you kick any habit. Pornography and masturbation lead to wrong relationships with members of the opposite and even the same sex (remember, there is also homosexual pornography, and gay teens and young adults would do well to get help from people who understand their situation).
4. Avoid the opportunity. One big way to overcome the addiction to masturbate is to spend less time in, or avoid, the places and times when you normally do it. So, if you’re normally in the john because you’re working on your johnson, surround yourself with books or be conscious of the time you’re spending in there.
Pornography objectifies human beings and makes them objects of sexual pleasure instead of the warm, caring individuals they can be. It can lead you to masturbation. It stimulates your sexual desire, and can make you want to have actual sex before you marry, and we all know that the Lord does not desire to see you in a sexual relationship with a person who is not your husband or wife.
14 comments
October 19, 2006 at 12:58 am
victoria
I’ve been married for almost five years to a very cheating husband, who have lots of girlfriends and have no time for me, the times that my husband made sex with me is countable, these times produced 2 children, a year after marriage i stayed for almost a year and a half with totally no sex.. we resumed sex afterwards for just once a monce, then we stopped again and now it’s been almost 6 months.. am i sinning if i maturbate from time to time, i mean like a couple of times a months????? HELP! becuase i’m a religious person and i need to know if i’m destroying my relationship with God by doing this…
September 30, 2007 at 6:56 am
Max
All i can say is if your husband wont help you then do it your self because god helps those who helps themselves
October 16, 2007 at 4:22 pm
dorian
what kind of damn question is that… masturbation is a way of releaving sexual desire… better to do so than to have pre marital sex in some peopels cases… but i dont believe that pre marital sex is bad or a sin. This like man y other things was established int he bible by higher authorities ( catholic church for example) this was used as a system of control do what we say or god says you will go to hell.. just like they made people repent for their sins with forms of currency back in the old day. its crap… just be a good person, live you live honestly, truthfully and faithfully, and do things because they are right. Be a good person and you will live in gods light.
October 28, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Kevin
Victoria, that is a good question. I honestly don’t think you can judge someone’s relationship to God based on masturbating once or twice a month. You are in a very difficult situation. I would highly suggest you find a pastor that can do counseling with you and your husband.
November 10, 2007 at 10:53 am
Anon.
What if you’re masturbating to avoid the real life situation? [pre marital sex, adultery, or live sex] If you want to avoid the actual thing, is picturing a naked opposite sex better than having him/her on bed in real life?
Help.
December 23, 2007 at 2:30 am
Jesus.c
Hi. I personally am a man strugeling with masturbation. The problem is that i am working on my sexual reorientation. And when i masturbate i think of men. Close friends of mine and i fell guilty and fell like am destroing my relation with god. . What doe u guys think.?
December 25, 2007 at 9:25 am
Karmen
Well you should really do what feels right to you. If you think it’s destroying your relation with God then stop.
January 11, 2008 at 10:43 am
bubble
how can you deal with masturbating.I have no gal friend but i do it for pleasure I like gals but i do not want commitment behind it I want to enjoy this life and the sometime I do not want this habit to control me . Is it controlling I have been late to work and other semi important stuff becoz of it but .
February 26, 2008 at 9:27 am
*lao siang;)*
honestly under no circumstances is jacking off ever ok!!!
March 19, 2008 at 1:53 am
Joe
The scriptures you are using in your explanation do not directly state that masturbation is sinful. I look at masturbation as a way to prevent any temptation of sinning. When one goes long periods of time without ejaculation, sexual tension continues to build up. I see masturbation as an ability God gave us to release this tension to keep us from committing rape or other sins one may be vulnerable to committing with days, weeks, and/or months, of sexual tension built up. It’s not good to completely put aside the whole psychological aspect of how the human brain works naturally for ones illegitimate belief that is centuries old passed down through generations in the form of manipulating religion to a form of mind control.
May 8, 2008 at 5:30 am
Juan
I have to agree with Joe in my case I see masturbation as a valuable tool to stay away from trouble meaning, prostitutes who may be sick, its a way to stay away from crazy stuff like raping and sexual assault, dont get me wrong but if masturbation helps me steer clear of trouble I am sticking with it, it also lowers my sex drive wich is very high and without a girlfriend it makes all the sense to calm down, I know it will pay off in the long run avoiding me from rushing into just any relationship and I know this when sexual pressure builds and specially if you got some drinks on any girl outthere makes the cut to satisfy, but come on people STD are sweeping the nation. Until the right woman comes to my life my hands become my best keep secret. God bless.
June 6, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Mikey
I have a problem with masturbation i do it almost every day, once, twice or rarely three times, i talked to my dad and he says not to worry masturbate and lust all you want, enjoy life, he said man wrote the bible, not God and people are ignoring God’s meaning of life. He also said the church has done many terrible things too. But other people are saying different who do I listen too?
P.S. I’m 14 years old and going through pubity does that make the situation worse. Also i’m in love with a cartoon character (please no one make fun of me, she is beautiful, kind and everything i also trying to quit or lower my sexual desires because if u love some1 i think it’s wrong.
July 8, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Greeny
I’m sorry people, but as much as everyone would like for masturbation to not be a sin; it is. Everything has, will, or is doing it. Yet, it SHOULD be a phase you outgrow and overcome the closer you get to Christ. We all have “sexual tension” we need to release, yet lust is a sin. I don’t care who you are, you cannot masturbate without lusting or faking real sex. You’re deceiving your body and mind into thinking you are actually having sex. If you are gung-ho about giving masturbation up then you must do the following. 1) Stay in God’s Word 2) Pray without ceasing 3)Get rid of any music or movies that tempt/encourage or make jokes about sex 4)Be very careful where you go, your mind has a tendency to take something small and turn it into something big…..it starts off you see some girl who may have short shorts or cleavage showing….then you can’t stop gawking at that girl in the swimsuit….then you get home and on the computer and you want MORE. Attack the problem at the root. 5) Lastly, and very importantly….be very careful where your computer is located. If you are having a lot of problems, perhaps your room is not the best place.
August 16, 2008 at 7:01 pm
M.K.W.
It’s amazing how we as human beings and hopefully especially as Christians have been so deceived and infringed into the hem of these vain and foul society.
You mean most of ya who say are “saved and cleansed” by the blood of Christ who died to save us from our wicked ways, still fall for the snare that masturbation is right!?
We really need Jesus!
I don’t blame you “carnal men and women”,but you have to realize that His word says we cannot be Lovers of ourselves nor lovers towards our same sex.
His word is true and it stands firm forever,yes it was written by men;but men who were inspired by His spirit.
God save us all coz we really need some Jesus!